What If?
by KitsuneGirl911
Summary: Just a bunch of What Ifs I thought of, not all of them will be funny, though the majority will be...
1. Chapter 1, the first What If

What If…? 

**Chapter 1**

STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY

_What if Hiei's name was Thaddeus?_

* * *

_In Reikai_

Koenma looked up all the information he could find on the three thieves (well, Botan did the searching). While Gouki was full of previous convictions, the other two weren't. No information on any of them, even the one that seemed to be human! Spirit world intelligences should have kept track of a human! 'This is bad! If we don't find out more before the week is up, my poor bottom will be sore!'

"Botan! Bring up all the info we have on these guys!"

Botan did so and Koenma noted that there was a bit more there then there was before.

'Wait… ARE THEIR NAMES ALL THAT WE HAVE?'

The red-haired human was apparently Kurama 'That sounds familiar… I'll have Botan check it out later…' and the short black-haired 'demon?' was…

"…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHAT A STUPID NAME!"

Thaddeus.

* * *

'Man, the last thing I wanted to do this weekend was a hike through the woods! Why the hell did I agree with this anyway?' Yusuke grumbled mentally as he followed the trio of convicts.

They finally stopped at a clearing, and all of a sudden it stopped raining.

'Odd…'

They started talking about something and Yusuke tuned them out, trying to come up with something dramatic to say when he would jump out of the bush he was hiding in. He finally decided when he heard:

"I'm sorry, I have to leave this alliance. Goodbye Gouki. …Thaddeus."

The short guy yelled, "I told you not to use my name! AND YOU CAN'T LEAVE! We need the mirror! Dammit Kurama!"

Yusuke sniggered. 'His name's _Thaddeus_? Man, what a stupid name… What were his parents THINKING!'

He decided to come out of hiding now, saying,

"Hey guys, make way because the Spirit World Detective Yusuke Urameshi is here!"

There was silence in the clearing for a while.

It was broken by Kurama turning to leave, saying,

"Sorry, I don't have time to be arrested… Goodbye Thaddeus…"

'Thaddeus' started growling.

"I SAID DON'T USE MY NAME!"

* * *

_LATER_

"HE HAS KEIKO! You know, for a short guy with such a stupid name, he sure causes a lot of trouble!"

Botan giggled.

"Thaddeus!"

Yusuke and Botan both cracked up, laughing loud enough to scare several birds from nearby trees.

_In the Warehouse_

"ACHOO!"

Thaddeus sneezed.

"Damn you Fox! WHY'D YOU HAVE TO USE MY NAME?"

He sneezed again.

And again.

* * *

_STILL LATER, At the Warehouse_

"Come out, …Thaddeus… BWAHAHAHAHA!"

An angry voice rang out from the darkness,

"STOP CALLING ME THAT YOU STUPID HUMAN!"

Seconds later a pair of oddly brain-dead guys walked out, holding Keiko.

"I'll only let you have your precious girl on two conditions!"

Yusuke was barley paying attention, as he was still laughing.

"Whatever…Thaddeus!"

Thaddeus started to shake in anger, but quickly calmed down.

"First give me the other two artifacts…and then STOP USING MY NAME!"

Yusuke took the artifacts out of his pocket and set them down, still sniggering.

"There,HAHA now give me Keiko."

The two men holding Keiko threw the girl at Yusuke, who caught her before she hit the ground.

Thaddeus looked at the artifacts he was holding and cackled evilly.

"Now, I can take over the world!"

"Not with a name like that you aren't. At least not if I have anything to do with it!"

Thaddeus snorted.

"Typical, you think that you can change the future? Don't make me laugh!"

Yusuke charged at Thaddeus, a fist raised to strike.

"You deserve this for what you did to Keiko, Thaddeus!" He yelled, forgetting the promise he made, and burst into laughter.

This was the last straw for our short friend.

"DON"T USE MY NAME YOU INFERNAL HUMAN!"

He drew his sword and skewered Yusuke where he stood laughing.

"What.. the-" Yusuke managed to choke out before he keeled over.

"Eep!" Botan soon followed.

* * *

EPILOGUE

And so, Thaddeus proceeded to take over the world.

He even got a new name, Hiei (after the mountain), courtesy of Kurama, who became his mate and co-ruler of all the worlds, and they lived evilly ever after (with their demon slave, Keiko to do their paperwork).

* * *

And thus, the first chapter has come to an end! XD

Thaddeus came from Social Studies, The guy's nickname was… Thad.

Does that mean that 'Chad' is really CHADDEUS? XD AHAHAHAHA!

If you want to see something just tell me. I have 21 ideas people, some longer than others, so there won't necessarily be as many chapters as ideas…

This fic will need 5 reviews for the next chapter.

Not too hard ne?

Over and out.


	2. Chapter 15

What If…? 

**Chapter 15**

STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY, AND I DON'T OWN THE KAMIKAZE WATERMELON. THAT IS ALL. NO…REALLY. THIS IS G- AHEM

_What if the Tantei had to fight someone with a trident?

* * *

_

"This is Hinoki." Koenma informed the Tantei as he held up a picture of the demon.

Yusuke blinked.

"Like the tree?"

Koenma sighed.

"Yes. Like the tree… Now, he has been causing some disturbance in the Ningenkai so-"

"You want us to go there, kick his butt, and then drag him back here?"

Koenma twitched.

"…Yes…"

* * *

They were in the middle of nowhere when they came upon a lake. Not a big one, really, it was more of a pon- Anyway, when they got there they felt an obvious demonic presence.

"You'd think if they took the trouble to get here they could at least TRY to hide."

The other's nodded in agreement.

Kuwabara decided to take the initiative (?) and yelled out,

"Show yourself you vile demon!"

The water started to bubble, only barely at first, but then it started to intensify.

Kuwabara jumped back.

"Whoa!"

There, standing on the water's surface was a tall demon, with white spiky hair and dark green (Skin? Scales? A little bit of both?). He spoke with a voice like a stream running over pebbles.

"Who dares call me vile? I am the purest of water, the clearest of lakes, the freshest of streams-"

"I'm the leader of the infamous Spirit Detectives! I am Kazuma Kuwabara, the MAN! I am the strongest of the strong! The bravest of the brave! And I can call you vile if I feel like it, punk!"

Yusuke blinked in confusion. Then he looked annoyed.

"Hey! I'm the leader!"

Hiei rolled his eyes.

"Great. Two ranting idiots…"

Both still ranting idiots paused to yell,

"I heard that!"

Before they continued…

Kurama sighed resignedly.

"I suppose that nothing short of a nuclear explosion will stop them…"

Yusuke raised an eyebrow.

"It's pronounced 'nuclear'…"

"That's what I said…"

* * *

_One hour later_

It had been a whole grueling hour of introductory speeches, ranting and raving, obscene gestures, death threats, and bad 'yo mamma' jokes. The two 'combatants' were finally gasping for breath, at a loss for words.

Meanwhile, in waiting:

Kurama was experimenting with his plants, ending up with a carnivorous kamikaze watermelon, which then proceeded to bite Yusuke and self destruct.

Yusuke was trying in vain to escape Kurama's 'creations' while yelling at Hiei for laughing at his misfortune.

Hiei just tuned out the shouting and watched what Kurama was doing with interest. He even offered helpful advice from time to time. He was even laughing at Yusuke, albeit evilly.

Now, they finally regained interest in the two.

"Okay, now that you guys are done…" Yusuke paused to glare challengingly at the pair. "Let's get down to the fighting!"

Hinoki glared ominously and held up a Hand.

The others all gave him odd looks.

"Why is it a 'Hand' instead of just a hand?"

"Beats me,"

The pon- lake demon shot Kuwabara a smug look.

"Because it is the hand of the great Hinoki, plus it can do….THIS!"

What appeared to be a large fork appeared in his hands and he laughed manically.

"You're going to fight us with a fork?" Hiei asked incredulously.

Hinoki shook his head sadly.

"No you poor short demon-"

Hiei gave his best I'm-going-to-kill-you glare at Hinoki, who didn't seem to notice.

"THIS is my… ALMIGHTY TRIDENT OF DOOM!"

Kurama raised an eyebrow.

"Really. It looks more like a fork to me,"

Hinoki started quivering in suppressed rage.

"It is NOT A FORK! IT IS AN ALMIGHTY TRIDENT!"

"Okay… If it is a trident-"

He was interrupted by a shout of:

"ALMIGHTY TRIDENT!"

Kurama's eye twitched in annoyance.

"Fine. An almighty trident. But what does it do?"

Hinoki scratched his head sheepishly.

"Erm…I have no clue… BUT I WILL FIND OUT! EVENTUALLY!"

Yusuke snickered.

"Heh, even when he's admitting his downfall he's triumphant…"

"HA! No…wait…"

Kurama just decided to end it quickly and sent a CKW (carnivorous kamikaze watermelon) at the idiot (not Kuwabara).

"Owie!"

Hinoki passed out.

"Huzzah…Now we have to lug this guy back to Spirit World…"

"'We' Kuwabara? I think not. Have fun!"

Kurama said happily.

Too happily…

"Huh? Guys? Why are you leaving? I can't drag this guy back by myself! Guys!"

* * *

Teehee! Even I thought that was funny! But never mind MY opinion.

Did I use initiative right? Dangit! I can't get words right after my brain is fried… XD

Anyway, if you didn't notice, the number doesn't correspond with the chapter.The number is merely the list number from which I am writing.

But I have a favor to ask. Does _anyone_ know the fic where the tantei are turned chibi and Yukina has to watch them? I think two of Youko's past 'girlfriends' turned them that way… And Kuronue's ghost showed up! He had ghostly powers! I loved that fic, if anyone will tell me what the title is or can give me the link I will be eternally grateful! I'll even write a special chapter for you! (You decide what 'What if…?' I will use at least...) Also IF YOU WROTE THAT FIC: It's soooooooooo kewl! Wheeeeeee!

Signing out,

Kitsunegirl911


End file.
